Each of us has a child inside of us that loves the holiday season…the lights, the wonder of plays, spiritual traditions, our favorite foods, seeing friends and family. As adults we can experience joy in spite of the fact that our lives may be very different. Come find a way to celebrate that fits your life now. In spite of changes like divorce, relocation, grief and loss, you can find a way or new ways to have meaning and peace during this season. Learn how to cope with family gatherings and dynamics. Fight self defeating physical and mental habits that stress you during the holidays. Stress and depression typically go up right after the new year. Prevent issues in the New Year with new strategies that beat the holiday blues!

• Avoid self-defeating physical and mental habits that stress people during the holidays. (caffeine, alcohol, processed foods, sugar and not exercising) " Consider your attitude, it can make a difference. Ask yourself: Is your situation a small, medium or large problem? How upset do you want to get over it, and for how long? Look at the possibilities around you, not the restrictions.
• Take time to walk and enjoy the holiday decorations. The first Christmas was marked with a long walk by the Holy Family to register with the census in Bethlehem. Don't turn your holiday into an ordeal, but mark it with simple traditions and lots of love and smiles.
• Use the cycle of Intention, Holiday Joy, Realize back to Intention
• Laugh! You can't be depressed or anxious and laugh at the same time. Daydream, make up stories, used your imagination.
• Losses and family issues often complicate holiday joy. Take control where you can and accept that it may take time to make changes. There is no right or wrong way to handle a holiday.
• If you are in a "transition" with a former partner and not with your children this holiday, make sure you spend the day with supportive family and/or friends. Avoid friends who speak negatively. Spend time with those that love you and want to help you move on by giving you new and better things to talk about.

• Discuss with your family or friends, their values, wishes and choices. List the activities enjoyed in the past and star the ones they want to do again this year. Start to work on these intentions e.g., donate money to time to a cause
• Family gatherings have several concerns: not gathering, alcohol use, etc. Express yourself to others, accept what you cannot change.
• Change what you can: the day of a celebration, how much you do, what you expect of others.
• Write your children a special Thanksgiving or Christmas letter to read on that special day. The Thanksgiving letter could be a list of all the things you are thankful for, including the children.

Just remember, for the holidays and beyond...Practice Safe Stress!

BACK TO HOMEPAGE
One thing about grief we can count on is this – it is a continual process involving many changes. The stages of grief according to Dr. Elizabeth Kubler Ross are: shock, guilt, anger, depression, and acceptance. The stages tend to be “loopy” rather than linear. Various emotions may appear, disappear, and then come again. Stages may overlap and be revisited as often as needed to process the many intense and complex feelings we experience. We typically expect grief after a loss but often we are unprepared for the intensity and duration of feelings. Understanding the process is helpful to putting these feelings into an informed and appropriate context. Knowing what the process entails helps to normalize emotions that may feel “crazy” and gives the sense that we are not alone. Our grief is our very own but we share the pain of loss with all of humanity.
Loss is inevitable and ever present in our lives, and comes in many forms. Each loss deserves to be acknowledged and grieved. I believe many individuals do not recognize the importance of giving time, acknowledgment, and expression to all losses.
None of us grieves in exactly the same way but there are phases that most of us tend to experience - in our own path to healing. There is no set timeframe for grief; it takes as long as it needs to. How we experience loss is dependent on many factors. Someone once said, “Grief takes us where it will, where we need to go for our healing to take place.”
I do not believe society in general has had realistic expectations for individuals who are grieving. For too long the process has been rushed and avoided, making the process that much more difficult for those trying to work through it.
In your process you may reach some telling milestones, which may be: when you think and/speak of your loved one with joy rather than anguish, when you find yourself laughing again, when you no longer feel guilty, and when you start making plans for yourself and your future (reinvesting in life).
If you are grieving please be kind to yourself, tell your story as often as you need to, be with your pain, experience it, and give yourself all the time you need. If you feel you are stuck in the pain of loss, please contact a professional who can assist you to move with your process again.

“In the midst of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.”
Albert Camus
Ten Commandments for the Bereaved
  1. Take time to accept your loss.
  2. Be with your pain.
  3. Know that you will survive and you are not alone.
  4. Deep decision-making to a minimum.
  5. Give yourself time to heal.
  6. Get plenty of rest and eat as well as possible.
  7. Stick to your schedule to maintain a sense of order.
  8. Heal at your own pace.
  9. Forgive.
  10. Be gentle with yourself.